So Much F&*&ing Ado About Nothing

J (the nurse) called yesterday morning, leaving me a voice mail.  Our doctor's appointment was canceled.  She said that when she faxed the doctor about our appointment, he said that we should talk with A, the lab manager.  So, apparently, this mandatory doctor's appointment wasn't even the doctor's idea.  We were then directed to call A today.

I was just dreading this call.  Honestly, I spent Monday evening looking for attorneys who specialize in infertility issues (and I am the least litigious person you would ever want to meet).  I fully expected that we would be suing the clinic.  DH and I were both really angry about the whole thing.  Nonetheless, we decided that we would be civil and listen to what A had to say.

As it turned out, A is a very nice, knowledgeable person.  She told us that the problem was the result of their forms, which she freely admitted needed to be changed.  (Well, duh.  I don't know why they haven't done it, since it is very important -- everyone's legal rights are shaped by these forms.)

There are three choices on the forms, which direct the clinic with regard to what we would want them to do with unused embryos -- donate them to another couple, destroy them, or donate them for research.  It doesn't say freeze first, though that's implied, because it is discussed in another part of the form.  She said that the form should really have another option -- one that states "we haven't decided yet."  That leaves things open, and she admitted that the clinic would require a special written instruction before they did anything anyway.  But, saying that you haven't decided yet leaves things open for the future.  It's OK for DH to be tested later on if we have embryos left that we want to donate.  The regulations allow for that.  So, we were told to cross out that section of the form, write in a sentence stating that we haven't decided yet, and to return the form to the clinic. 

So much drama, so little substance.  I think J probably overreacted.  And I like J.  She is very nice, and she's been very helpful to me.  I don't know if she knows how to take me, because I think she's old-fashioned.  I, on the other hand, have absolutely no problem challenging the doctor if I think he's wrong.  He actually was wrong on my ability to take the cycle medications and still maintain a breast feeding relationship. To his credit, when he was provided solid, scientific information, he did change his position.  I'm kind of disappointed that he hasn't changed his position on the mandatory three day rest after transfer, since I gave him somewhere around ten abstracts discussing research studies that concluded that this was a waste of time (one study found that extended rest had an adverse affect on pregnancy rates).  I could only obtain the abstracts, but he told me he'd read the studies, they appeared to be good, solid studies, and he said something to the effect of "I guess that it does really boil down to embryo quality and patient compliance with the required medication."  In addition, there aren't any other clinics that I found that required three days of rest, and I told him that as well.  But, he didn't change his protocol.  I'm sorry about that, and that's his prerogative, but I won't be wasting time on the couch.   

Somehow, I sense J silently disapproves of me sometimes because I will push back, though I always do it politely.  That's kind of sad.  I do think that patients should be in a collaborative relationship with their doctors.  Doctors are not gods.  They forget to ask things.  It's the patient's job to bring up issues.  And to ask questions.  And, if the doctor is not amenable to that, then it's time to find another doctor.

So, here we are.  We are still on track.  And my blood pressure is slowly coming down.  I am glad that it was a minor misunderstanding.  If they actually were that unaware of the regulations, it really would be time to go elsewhere. 

Comments

[Kami]

I completely agree that it should be a collaborative relationship with the doctor. A good doctor welcomes that, in my experience.

I have been wondering if (hoping things work out of course) I could nurse while doing a cycle for a sibling.

Glad things are moving along.

[stacyb]

really glad things worked out...spot on about needing to bring things up to the doctors as they too are very much human.

by the way at our clinic we had a 30 minute rest, although they did say you could not cycle and breast feed.

[Anjali]

Me too, glad things are working out now. Fingers crossed that all goes according to plan.