Finally, A Status

They retrieved 27 eggs.  19 were ICSI'd (sperm are examined; good swimmers are identified; tails are cut off; a hole is poked in the egg; and, the sperm head is placed inside -- forced fertilization).  Of these, 11 are growing.  We are on schedule for a Thursday transfer at 12:30.

I have a confession to make.  I am not that superstitious.  Really, I'm not.  But I really hate the number 11.  It has been such a bad thing for me.  It all started in 1987.  Shortly before I lost my beloved grandmother, I started seeing 11s everywhere.  You know, I just happened to look up at the clock when it was 11:11 or 1:11 or any number of things.  I just tuned into the number 11.  It was really strange, and I remember mentioning it to my mother.  And, guess what?  We ended up burying my grandmother on January 20, exactly 11 years after we buried my grandfather.

Over the years, I've seen 11s frequently before something bad happened.  And, the absolute worst example of how sucky the number 11 is for me just happened last year.  When my mom went into the hospital, it was a roller coaster of emotion.  I honestly did not expect her to die, not then.  She did not expect to die.  But she got progressively worse, and they moved her up the line until she was in intensive care.  Her first room was #2.  And she was able to get out of that room the next day as things started to improve.  Then, she coded on a Saturday.  They revived her and put her back into intensive care.  Which room do you think they put her in?  That's right.  11.  Rather than freaking the f*ck out and demanding she be moved, I decided to trust God and put things in His hands.  After all, it was a stupid thing to worry about, right?  And God is more powerful than any silly number, and I did so want to get past this stupid fear.  Two days later, my mom died.  In room 11.  Thanks Father!

Anyway, I just f*cking hate the number 11.  And now I have 11 embryos.  I'm sure that you can imagine how that makes me feel.  Scared as h*ll, really.  I do have quiet fears in the back of my brain.  I'm afraid that maybe this isn't the right thing to do for our family.  I'm afraid that something will go wrong during the pregnancy and that will put the baby's life or my life at risk.  And, dare I say it?  I am absolutely petrified of having a special needs child.  I know that no one wants that.  Who would want that?

Tonight, after I shared my fears with a good friend, she told me that I needed to put this in God's hands.  That He could show me that my fears were unfounded.  But you know?  I don't know that I can trust Him to do that this time.  And that's where I am tonight.

I know, I know.  Stupid thoughts are all they are. 

Comments

[BrooklynGirl]

I'm superstitious about the same sorts of things so I get it.

But I'm hoping this 11 crushes your string of unlucky 11s with something truly wonderful.

[Kami]

I don't believe in a God, I don't think some numbers are bad and others are good, I don't think there is that kind of "magic" at all.

And yet, we had crappy things happen on too many 14th of the month during IVF cycles and I started to get paranoid. I can understand getting freaked out by this even if part of you feels like it is just coincidence.

Well, it will either work or it won't and having 11 growing embryos sounds like a really good number to me.

Hang in there!

[Sheila]

How many embryos will you transfer? How many will be good enough quality to transfer or freeze? I don't think the number 11 will stay around very long. (My husband and I were both born on the 11th of the month, so I have a positive association with it.)

My next FET will be on Friday the 13th. Many people would object to that, but I'm not superstitious (and heck, all of my non-Friday the 13th transfers have failed so I figure I've got nothing to lose).

I will admit though that I had a serious problem with the song Layla by Eric Clapton... something always went wrong when it was on the radio (like I would get pulled over or almost get in an accident). I had to lunge for the radio controls every time it came on -- for years. It seems to have passed.

Anyway -- good luck with the transfer.

[stacyb]

i happen to like 11 because of the way the ones look next to each other...silly i know. i don't think the numbers have any more power than the power we give them. of course i too have my superstitions and i happen to have an amulet to ward off the evil eye by my desk...

that said as sheila points out that number wont stay around long and it just a few days ago it was the number 27 then 19...so it's a passing state.

it's great actually that you have so many! that means there will be more chances to have really good embryos transfered because you'll have enough be able to choose.

[DE Mommy]

What's up!? How are things going!!??

[The Dairy Wife]

I've been wondering about you and checking ...

I'm so happy you got so many! How wonderful is that?

Mainly, I'm praying that you get a sticky little creature here in a couple of days!

Take care and please keep in touch and let me know, and I'll keep checking in.

Tanya