Birthday Plans Revisited

I am beyond p*ssed at the moment.

I received a very nonchalant e-mail at work from the school director yesterday.  She just wanted me to let me know that DD had a minor incident that morning.  "Another child" had thrown a toy at DD.  (You know, it's always "another child," as if it is a state secret that you aren't ever going to find out about.  As soon as kids are able to point, they will identify the perpetrator.  At least DD always has been able to do so.  And not just her partners in crime.  It's been great to catch up on the pre-K gossip at dinner time.)

Going back to the e-mail.  Another child had thrown a toy at DD, it had hit her on the cheek, under her eye.  But, nothing to worry about!  It was just a small cut.  Why, DD hadn't even cried, the children had hugged and made up, and DD was diligently holding some ice to her cheek.  She was going to be just fine.  No need to come.  No need to worry.

I e-mailed her back, saying that I hoped it wasn't L, because there had been some physical issues with him lately.  (You remember L?  The one that we were contemplating not inviting to the birthday party.  Yes, THAT child.)  But, I added, not to worry, I would certainly find out who the other child was later on.  And, while I was very surprised that DD hadn't cried, I wasn't surprised at all that she was being very good about holding ice on her cheek.  DD is all about the ice.  For everything.  Did you know that it is even good for a hang nail?  But I digress. 

Last week DD mentioned that L had bonked her in the nose, but it sounded like he was trying to beep everyone's nose, kind of like someone would do with a clown nose.  It wasn't exactly clear.  DD was annoyed by it, but she hadn't been hurt, so I'd forgotten about it.  We've heard about a number of incidents involving him, but to the best of my knowledge, no one had been injured.

After the e-mail, I really wasn't upset.  I just figured that it was the usual stuff that happens when kids get together, and I was glad that there were no tears and just a small cut on the cheek.

When I got to school, no one was in the front office, though I was supposed to sign for an incident report.  DD came running down the hall toward me, and I took one look at her and hit the roof.  She had a small cut on her face all right.  But it wasn't anywhere her cheek.  Unless of course you count three millimeters from the bottom of her eye as her cheek. 

DD took me back to her room.  We went to the cubby, where the report was taped, and guess who was right behind us?  No surprise at all.  L, his mother, and the assistant director, who were having quite the chat at one of the small tables.  DD brought the toy over to me so that I could see what hit her.  And the missile was a stegosaurus, which has a row of triangle shaped spines along its back.  The toy was just a toy, fit for four year olds.  But launched at someone's eye by an incorrigible brat?  It could have blinded her.  She explained what happened, and who did it.

I wanted nothing more than to interrupt the conversation behind me, which was going something like this: 

L's mommy, all sweetness and light:  Now, L, your teacher said that something happened today.  But you haven't told me anything about it.

L:  Nothing happened!

L's mommy:  Well I just overheard that little girl telling her mommy what happened.

L:  I don't know.

I stopped listening.  I did not interrupt.  We walked out of the room, because I really wasn't doing a good job stifling my anger, but not before giving the stink eye to the assistant director several times.  I ran into one of my favorite other mommies on the way out, and I did say something to her about the little a**hole having done it again, and take a look at DD's eye, and this sh*t was going to stop.  Really effing stop.  (The other mommy had complained about L before, and had witnessed his mother having to physically remove him from the room during an out of control moment.  Mind you, I know that every kid throws things.  Every kid has out of control moments.  But this is not every kid.  He does this all the time.)

By the time we got out of the center, L and his mommy had finished their conversation and were behind us.  She didn't say a f*cking word, though she knew exactly what had happened because she wasn't two feet away when DD explained it.  She did tell L, who had inquired about someone's party, that he wouldn't be going.  Why?  Because he'd had a color change that day.  Yes, only a color change (each child starts on green, and moves to yellow, then blue, and then red, depending on the number and depth of their transgressions for the day).  Because color changes are what we do there!  That, and give and take away stickers.  Not that he would not be losing his chance to go to a party because he almost blinded my daughter.  He was just being punished for the color change.

I don't know if she heard me tell DD we were going to photograph her eye as I got out of my car after buckling DD in.  I'm sure she did.  She likely saw me slam my car doors, almost off the hinges.  She probably heard me tell DD that this wasn't going to happen again.  She wasn't around to hear my non-stop rant when I got home.  (You know, one thing that DH doesn't "get" about me is my need to do that, to be irrationally angry, and to vent it out.  During which time I explain how I want the wrong remedied, which may or may not include water boarding.  No, just kidding.  Sort of.  OTOH, he's not like that at all and finds that whole process quite strange.  But it's a necessary process for me.)

Later, when DD and I were snuggling shortly before bedtime, she told me a little bit more about what had happened.  Apparently, A told L that he should throw the toy at DD.  That was a little surprising.  DD has known A since they were both six months old.  I honestly think that they are the only two left from the original group in the infant room.  DD and A play together a lot, and DD will always count A among her friends.  He does get into trouble from time to time, and he usually moves through the color changes all the way to red about once a month.  A is just a typical boy though.  He's not out of control like L is.  (Seriously, L needs intervention which might involve drugs or at a minimum, a behaviorist.  He is NOT a typical boy, by any stretch of the imagination.)

DD said that L took A up on his suggestion and threw the toy at her.  It hurt.  Quite a bit.  The teacher came over and told him that he could have taken out DD's eye.  He apparently told her that A told him to do it.  And that prompted a whole discussion about not listening to people when they tell you to do the wrong thing.  There was no apology from L, as we had been told.  There were no hugs.  He is no different than his mother.  The misbehavior is everyone else's problem.  DD did say that L says that he often loses television or chocolate milk when he behaves badly at school.  That kind of stuff works for a kid like DD (who by the way has lost candy for the day today because she didn't follow a rule last night).  But it doesn't work for kids like L.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that DH and I are going to visit the school tomorrow morning to talk with the director.  DH has a dentist appointment, and I have an appointment with the RE (blood, ultrasound, and paperwork, paperwork, paperwork).  We want L moved to another room, which would be suitable for his age (he's the kid whose mother thinks that he's so bright that he needs to be in a room with all the older kids).  Alternatively, he should be dismissed from the school.  If the director doesn't want to do those things, we are going to talk with the district director.  If neither one of them want to do those things, then we are going to advise them that they should understand that we will take legal action against the school, and L's parents, if DD is injured again.  End of story. 

Oh, and they won't be coming to the DD's birthday party.  Not L.  Not his sister (unfortunately).  And not his parents.

Comments

[Anjali]

This whole thing is appalling. I honestly can't believe L hasn't been kicked out! Go gettum, Tiger!

[Heather]

Glad to see you are getting serious about this and talking to the director and escalating if need be. When our DD was in day care/preschool, the Director was very serious about these types of things. They had 1 child expelled from school because nothing was working and they had another child that was almost expelled, but her parents pulled her out early. It cracked me up too. They said she was going to Kindergarten instead of pre-K that year at her "new school". Considering the state we live in would have her past the age cutoff, it had to have been a private school, instead of public. And yes, they too thought that their daughter was too smart to be in the level that our preschool wanted her in, but the Director wouldn't budge. I loved her. She retired a few years ago.

Good luck and let us know how the meeting at the school goes.