(No Longer New) Midlife Mommy

Dang, My Feet Hurt

DD had her party today at a local bounce house today.  45 minutes in one room with three giant bounce houses, 45 minutes in another room with three giant bounce houses, and then into the party room for a half an hour or so (where we can finally sit the eff down) for pizza, soft bread sticks, juice boxes, pop (for the adults), cake, ice cream, present orgy, passing out goodie bags, and it's over.  Except that we have all kinds of pizza, bread sticks, and cake left over.  (Yummy, yummy soft bread sticks.)

Things that were fun included watching the kids enjoy themselves, and making and passing out the goodie bags.  Which were princess bags filled with toys, candy, and of course dinosaur trinkets.  Accompanied by a dinosaur head on a stick that you could make move by pulling a trigger type handle.  My daughter, the eclectic.  It's fine by me.  The heck with the themes. 

Not so fun things included finding my daughter hiding behind one of the bounce houses, apparently pouting, and very irritated that I'd found her.  And then the very rude comment that she made about one present ("I already have one of those!").  Now, I know that we've discussed this before, but shame on me, I didn't go over the rules before the party.  (Can I get a pass because I was running a fever from a double ear infection and a sinus infection?  Hope so.)  But I hate rude.*  And then there was the brief crying jag in the hallway at the end of the party for some unknown reason.  And lightly smacking at a little boy at the end of the party (really lightly), but WTF?  I asked her to stop, DD said that it was just a game, and the little boy's mom said "well, let's not ever play that game anymore, OK?"  That was a bit embarrassing.  But, she's five, and after two hours of non-stop fun, following a morning of errands that were accomplished at breakneck speed with no nap (she's sort of not into naps anymore), I would say she did OK overall.

In a way, this was really kind of sad too, because this is the very last party where all of the kids from DD's school will be together.  They're five now.  They're big kids.  (And they never stop reminding you of that fact.)  The next party up on tap is a princess party, but there will only be girls and mommies invited to that one.  And then we all move on to our separate lives, I guess.  I did put a letter in  everyone's mailbox asking them if they wanted to be part of a shared address list so that the kids could keep in touch as pen pals, or we could arrange outings every so often as a large group or in smaller groups as people prefer.  Four takers on that one, including us.  Perhaps that will change as we move on into the school year, but perhaps not.  Maybe not all of us are feeling so wistful, eh?

Still no word about my job.  There have been some layoffs, and some transfers, but nothing at my level.  I wish they would just go ahead with the 10% salary cuts they've been talking about, if that is what's going to happen.  I would hope that we end up with a day off every other week in exchange.  Given that I still spend Sundays on the never-ending project that is my parent's house, it would be nice to have that time to do something around my own house.  At least my brother and I have buried the hatchet (and only partly in each other!), and we work together on Sundays.  He is much more laid back than I am.  He thinks that this is an infinite project, and it's OK to take a day off once in awhile.  I told him that only the universe is infinite, this just seems that way, and I would rather work longer to get it over with.  He usually brings my older nephew or my niece with him, and may I say what good kids these guys are turning out to be.  They never complain, they work their butts off, and they really, really respect my father and would do anything for him.  That's kind of nice to see.

We're getting ready to do another cycle, but I'm in my pill month right now.  I always see it as sort of like the intermission.  Kind of blah, and waiting for the next act.  We have five embryos remaining, and I hope that we are successful.  And, in his heart, DH equally wishes that we are not.  You can't hide your heart, I guess.  The paradox is that he's a wonderful dad, and he would love another child -- once that child is here.  It's the getting there that he would rather avoid.

Hope you are all enjoying the end of summer.  Can you believe it -- the end of summer?  Ack.  I hate winter.

* - And I'm totally irritated at the two parents who never RSVP'd, even after a reminder, and then a follow up saying that because I needed a count, I was including them because of the deadline, but if they really couldn't make it please let me know.  Ahem.  No shows.  DD is five.  They are not.

Hmm . . . Not Sure How I Feel About This One

I think that those of you who know me in real life, and those who know me through this blog, are aware that I am a big proponent of breast feeding.  When it works out for mom and child, it is a wonderful thing.  When it doesn't, it isn't that big of a deal.  I do believe that breast milk is the gold standard, but formula isn't a bad second.  I was formula fed; DD was not.  I support the American Association of Pediatric position that breast feeding should continue for one year and thereafter as long as it is mutually desirable.

But, this seems kind of weird to me.  I can honestly tell you that I didn't find it odd at all that DD had a bottle for her "babies."  And, DD, who has always loved breast milk more than anything, didn't think twice about the bottle vs. the breast for these babies -- because, um, she doesn't have breasts?  The whole breast v. bottle thing has always been something that we've talked about as a decision that she would make in the future when she actually had to feed a baby, if she even decides that babies are for her.  I honestly don't think that she was confused between playing now and doing things "for real" later.

While I appreciate the sentiment behind a this doll, it seems odd to me, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Have you heard about it?  Any opinions?

Feeling Overwhelmed And Rather Dumb At The Moment

Holy cow.  The kindergarten stuff.  It never stops. 

First, it was the uniforms.  I never wore them, as I am a product of the public schools.  But I don't take issue with them, because I do remember the cliquishness of girl-dom.  Your value as a person was based on the wardrobe your parents could afford.  My parents couldn't afford more than a couple of cool things for me each semester.  The rest was run of the mill.  I was therefore not cool.  So, the uniform requirement at DD's new school strikes me as a good thing.

Except -- while they've told me what to buy, no one has told me how much to buy.  I learned, because I thought to ask, that there is a second-hand market for these uniforms among the parents.  Gently used uniforms piece sell for $5 each, and I was able to purchase a few things that way.  $5, as opposed to $45 per piece.  $45!  Per skirt.  Per pair of pants.  Per jumper.  Blouses may be purchased at J.C. Penney, and I did do that.  I don't know why they couldn't just pick standard fare, like navy pants, skirts, etc.  But no!  We have to go to the official uniform store, where they are not particularly friendly, where I, the frazzled, clueless mom, went and spent an hour and a half trying to figure out what the F*CK I should be buying.  And how much I should be buying.  And, even though I was the only one in the store, every damned time I had a question, I had to hunt down one of the three sales people who always seemed to gravitate toward the back room for the ongoing coffee clutch as soon as possible.  By the end of that visit, I was spitting nails.  But, DD was such an angel.  She tried on whatever I asked, and she kept a good humor.  Unlike me.  And for the privilege of dealing with the disinterested salespeople, I wrote them a check for $450 for the uniform pieces, many of which I probably won't need, because as I said, I'm clueless.  Ugh. 

We just received our "packet."  With 6,000 little requirements, forms, and rule explanations.  And the calendar!  Will I sound exceptionally dumb if I say that it had too many words on it?  Too many entries?  For things that mean nothing to me?  Yet I dutifully entered them into my Groupwise calendar, taking about 15 minutes to do it.  How on earth do parents keep track of more than one school-age child?  May I just take a moment to bow to you in submission for your awesome organization skills.  And, do tell, how do you manage working for a living with all the spring breaks, mid-winter breaks, holiday breaks, summer solstice breaks, phase of the moon breaks, etc.?  They have one whole month of breaks built into this schedule!

Then there is the lunch program.  The school doesn't have a cafeteria, so they use a catered system.  The cost is $3.50 per lunch.  You do not get a refund if they don't have to provide this lunch, for example, if the school is closed for some reason.  And, you must make your selections for the month and pay in advance, or your child is out of luck for the whole month!  Fortunately, we actually looked at the packet when it arrived (late!) and learned that we needed to choose lunches and get the money back in by August 14.  And then there's the breakfast thing.  We are so spoiled -- DD can have breakfast at her current school if she wants.  Not any more.  Seriously, there are people who actually feed their children in the mornings?  Where DO you find the time?  (I'm half-kidding.  DD used to eat a full breakfast at home, and a waffle on the way in if she wanted.  It's the mandatory part that has me smarting at the moment.)  Thank goodness that I don't have to buy school supplies.  I think that it would kill me.

I guess the up side of all of this is that the school is probably exceptionally well-organized.  How else could they put all of this stuff together?  And they do seem nice, though I have gotten the general feeling that their philosophies are a little left of mine.  That really doesn't bother me, as long as the presentations are balanced where appropriate.  Children should choose their own beliefs and view of the world.  But diversity of opinion is very important to me, because I have noticed that DD is very impressionable when it comes to teacher proclamations.  (The silliest example I can think of is that DD's teacher once told them that the color of their blood inside their veins is blue-green, and it turns red when it hits the air.  This is simply untrue, and I talked with the teacher about it, but I was surprised after my internet search how many people believe this.  Yikes.  Yet, DD was absolutely convinced that she had blue-green blood -- because her teacher told her, and it didn't matter a whit what I had to say about it.)

Thank goodness that they have scheduled in a parent orientation.  Somehow, I'm certain that DD is going to be just fine. 

As for me, I'm not so sure.  I guess I'll have to check my calendar. 

Sometimes, She Makes Me Proud

Oh, heck.  Most times, she makes me proud.

I love my daughter's school.  Yes, it is a traditional daycare, and DD has been there since she's been six months old.  I used to think that daycare was evil, and I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, just like my mom.  Or at least I thought DD should have a stay-at-home dad, because I thought those early childhood years were so precious that they should be filled with lots of one-on-one time with a parent.

But, life steps in sometimes, as does reality.  Things like groceries and health insurance take priorities.  So, I cried a bit and sent her off to the germ-laden centers.

You know, it worked out so much better.  DD has been attending a center that is part of a large commercial chain, but it is filled with loving people.  They treat it like a school, they call the weekly payments tuition, and they work very hard with the children to provide an enriching environment.  (Too hard, sometimes, I think.  I'm not so sure that eight month old babies appreciate growing those individual bean plants stuck to the windows, but what do I know?).

My daughter starts regular school next month.  The real deal.  Kindergarten.  Her baby years are really over, and that is such a turning point for me.  I love the little girl that she's becoming; I miss my baby.  I love that she can get dressed and do things on her own, but I miss doing everything for her.  I love that she comes to me and wants to snuggle on the patio furniture and talk about what's in the sky, but I miss my captive audience, because she always wants to go off to do something else before I'm quite ready to let go.

DD is not yet five, and she's reading.  Reading!  Really reading.  Signs, circulars, books, commercials, you name it.  It's all interesting fodder to her.  (I usually tease her and "forbid" further reading, which of course makes her giggle and want to read all the more.) 

When I started kindergarten, it was traditional kindergarten.  Half-days, full of playing, art and nap.  When DD starts kindergarten, there will be some play, but there will also be a lot of work disguised as play.  Her kindergarten will be like my first grade.  That's OK, I guess.  She doesn't know any other life.  And, we could avail ourselves of the traditional kindergarten option at the public school.  It would be a time waster for her though.  She's ready for more.

We went to a birthday party this weekend, one of several lately, and it was filled with DD's classmates.  It was kind of bittersweet, because the parents have come to like each other very much.  We too are all going off our separate ways next month. 

When it came time for DD's present to be opened, she read the card to the birthday girl (who isn't quite yet reading; also very normal in DD's class).  I missed it, because I was outside with one of the mommies and her new yummy baby boy (so jealous!), but DH was there to see.  He said that the room went quiet, and someone said "she's reading!"  And she really was.  The birthday girl's mom was so impressed she's going to try to upload the footage and send it to me.

DD also uses some expressions that are unusual for her age, and it is so hard not to laugh when she does it.  For example, following another birthday party, DD leaned back and said, "mommy, wasn't that a splendid party?"  Or, when I came home from working at my father's house, and DD described her day with daddy, she said "we had so much fun blowing those bubbles, I burst out laughing!"  The last one that comes to mind is the way she described some identical dolls that she'd received one week when she'd had two Happy Meals (I know, my bad).  "Look mommy, they're siblings!"  I guarantee you, the words "splendid," "burst," and "siblings" did not cross my four-year-old lips.

But the thing that makes me most proud happened yesterday.  DD's current teachers rock(!), though all have been good.  Right now, they are trying to prepare the kids for kindergarten in other places, because it looks as though they will not have a kindergarten at DD's center.  (Sadly, DD's center could close due to decreased enrollment.  The lease is up next year, and that is when they usually have a decision point.)

The subject was bullying, and her teacher stopped me at pick up time to tell me about DD during this exercise.  They talked about how it feels to be bullied, and to bully others, and why it is not a good choice.  Each child had a chance to stand up, and the others were asked if so-and-so had ever acted in a bullying way.  If the answer was yes, the sitting children raised their hands.  They talked about how it made them feel, and the standing child apologized to that person.  (I'm not certain that I'm doing this justice; it was a kind atmosphere, not an accusing one, and the child who had bullied at one point also had an opportunity to receive an apology from someone who had bullied them.)  DD said she raised her hand twice, but otherwise, she didn't think that anyone had bullied her.

But here's the best part -- when DD stood, no one raised their hand.  Hearing that makes me just as proud as the reading and the enhanced vocabulary.  It tells me that she is becoming a good person as she is learning how to be a good student.  I am not blind to her faults.  For one thing, like a lot of little girls, she has problems excluding others from play, and dealing with feelings of exclusion herself.  We're working on it.  She's not perfect; none of us are.

But, oh what a wonderful little girl she's turning out to be.  And it makes it a little easier, though only just a little, to let her go and start her big girl life.