Isn't She Lovely?

(Recently overheard at our house, while I was busily trying to scan all of my daughter's childhood memories, a project that is taking forever)

DD:    Mommy, why are you scanning THAT?

(I was scanning a really cool treat bag that a birthday girl's mother had made)

Me:    DD, it's your treat bag from S's party -- don't you think it's pretty?

DD:    No-ooo, and it's not special to ME, so why are you doing it?

Me:    Well, someday when you look at these pictures, I hope that they remind you of some of the fun things that you did when you were little, and I hope that will make you smile.

DD:    I don't think so mommy. 

Me:    Why not?

DD:    Because by that time, you will be dead.  And it will just remind me that you are dead.  And that will probably make me sad.

Alrighty then.  Get back to me when you are more certain about it.

* * * * * * * * * * *

And, isn't this grand?

For those who would like a translation, given that there are some scratch outs:

I do not like mom . . . mommy

She apparently wrote this on Saturday night, and I have no idea what I did.  She claims not to remember.  But that's OK.  I don't like her sometimes either.  I just don't write it down where she can find it.

* * * * * * * * * * *

And, the coup de grace came tonight.  As I walked in the door, having been through some really terrible traffic laced with a hellish sprinkling of snow, I said, "traffic was really terrible tonight."  And DD said, "no mommy, you mean traffic was really f*cking terrible tonight, don't you?" 

Oh no she didn't.  (Except she did.  She really did.)

Lecture.  Explanation.  Outline of the instant and major punishment to be expected if I ever hear that word again.  Because it is a grown up word.  And a really bad one.

And then a correction to our handyman, who tried to explain that the real reason DD shouldn't be dropping the F bomb is because "it's not lady-like to do that."

Oh no he didn't.  (Except he did.  He really did.  And the feminist w*tch inside of me tried to claw her way out of my body so that she could eviscerate him.  But the mature me prevailed and sent the witch back to her cage.)

Gentle correction followed to the handyman, because frankly, it is a bad word for everyone to use, whether you are a man or a woman.

Including mommy.  Who should not be using that word.  Even when she was mad the evening before because the f*cking stove drawer wouldn't go back onto the f*cking tracks and she thought that her inquisitive five year old had gone upstairs to get daddy to help as she promised she would.  Except that she hadn't.  And mommy didn't see her standing on the other side of the island.

F*ck.

Comments

[Heather]

At the age of 3 or 4 years, our daughter showed perfect use of the word d@mn. We had lots of conversations about that. Ugh!

[niobe]

I know it's wrong, but I can't stop laughing.

[Paz]

My 3-year old has been overheard saying Fuck it! Fuck this. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Not sure where it came from, except maybe from... us. We both drop the F bomb, but we try not to do it in front of him of course. His dad works from home and I believe a few conversations on the phone have been overheard. But truthfully, neither of us ever say 'Fuck it.' Maybe preschool? Now that is sad, except for the evidence that we are not the only potty mouths in town. Now that is reassuring for the future of our kids, isn't it?

[stacyb]

that is totally funny. i'm waiting for our dd to say something like that very soon. ugh.

[Tanya]

Sam said with so much power to Meg, "you stupid "faddick" turd." (faddick = fat a**). I now watch my mouth.