Journey So Far

During my two week wait, I'd literally been imagining a fork in the road.  One way, a new baby and unimaginable changes.   A chance to do it again.  All the sweetness, and the not so sweet stuff too.  The other way, our little family, stable and nice.   No diapers.  A child who can dress herself, feed herself, and even buckle herself into her car seat.

I waited to take the home test until the morning of "the" test.  And I prayed that whether the result was positive or negative, I would be accepting.  And honestly, at that moment in time, it could have gone either way, and it would have been OK.   The stick was negative at first.   And it was OK.   And then it wasn't.   I was dumbfounded, but OK.  And then when the brown spotting started a few days later, I thought "blighted ovum."  BTDT.   And I expected to see a black hole when I went for "the" ultrasound. And I was prepared to be OK with that.  And there wasn't a black hole.  And a wave of emotion hit, for just a moment.  And then it was OK.  Truth be told, there is still a little bit of that brown stuff.  Just a little.

And now, I just started my tenth week.   I am blessed, again, with no morning sickness.   (Thank you.)  I'm tired frequently, especially late in the afternoon and in the late evening, though I still force myself to stay awake sometimes (like now, for example - yawn).   I'm watching what I eat, because I am frightened that I will gain too much weight and develop some scary medical issues.  So far, so good.  I bought a diet program that works even for pregnancy and breastfeeding (the point isn't to lose weight but to eat better).  Unfortunately, I get really bad grades for nutrition (even though I've been eating lots of fruit and at least some V-8 every day - ugh).  Ankles are a little puffy at the end of the day, but that's not new, unfortunately (back to back cycles + 35 pounds will do that to you).   The night time bathroom trips drive me crazy.  I swear, I visit the bathroom more at night than I do all day, and I don't really drink anything after 7:00 in the evening.  On the other hand, I wish I was visiting the bathroom more frequently for that other reason, if you know what I mean.

We haven't told our daughter about this yet. I want to wait until I'm through the magical 13th week. I bought her a little shirt, and I hope the news goes over well:

Our discussions to this point just concern a hypothetical baby.   I'm not sure how she will feel about a real one. 

We've finally finished her very own room, and we are just waiting for the furniture to come in (yes, we have still been co-sleeping - shut up).  The room is really snug, so we bought something that was kind of a combo bed/dresser/desk.  Here's a picture, though DD's set will be in white:

The room is so small (so how small is it?) that we will have to remove the backing behind the little shelves so that there will be a space for the heat to come in from the heat vent.  (These old houses, they are charming, but room sizes can be very weird.)   The room is purple (ceiling and walls - DD's choice) with a wallpaper border at the top.   Very cute multi-colored ceiling fan, and dark purple carpeting. 

At first, DD was very excited about this, but then she started saying whiny things like "why are we always talking about my ro-om???"   It was pretty obvious that there was another issue, so I just asked her if she was worried about sleeping on her own.   It was then that she told me that she wanted to sleep with us until it was time for her to go to college.  Ahem.  I think not.

And that's where we are.  I have my first appointment with my new OB on Thursday.  He is my old OB's former partner, and my old OB (now retired from OB but not GYN) referred me to him.  We'll see how it goes.  Just as with DD, the hospital he works in is not large, though it is affiliated with a large hospital that is not that far away (which just happens to be the hospital that I was born in; sadly, the little hospital where he works is where my dear grandmother died). 

DH would prefer to have all the big guns on staff, but I'm OK with having them available.  I think I will know if I'm high risk by the time I'm ready to deliver, and if that's the case, we can do it at the larger hospital.  If I've calculated this correctly, my new doctor (if we like each other) is 67.  Of course, DH sees this as someone coasting along to retirement.  I'm kind of the opposite - I thought "wow, look at all the experience he has!  I can't imagine that there's anything that he hasn't seen (except perhaps a 50 year old OB patient - ha ha)."  Since I would walk through fire for my old OB, I trust his judgment.

And that's where we are.  Time to go to sleep before I keel over.

Comments

[kris (lower case)]

my son slept with us until he was 10 and got a hamster...go figure..the day the hamster came n=home and was put in his room he stayed there... i have no issue with co-sleeping for as long as they need. lots more people do it until 10 or 12 than you think... no one brags about it so you never hear about it.

[Anjali]

WOO HOO! So excited to read about this journey for you!

[Paz]

Also a cosleeper here. I don't have a problem with it. His dad – who is on the kicking end of Mr. McSquirmy – has lots of problems with it though. Therefore, we are trying to encourage him to sleep on his own. Love your daughters bed and shelves, very cool. We are looking into bunk beds at this tyime, hoping for kris's "hamster effect."

My son's Ped is in his mid-70s. He is on the ball, detailed, experienced. I love it. I trust that he is good enough to know when he has had enough. Hope you like the OB. (how exciting!!)

And you can be his first OB patient of your age, that'll bring some excitement into his day!

Sleep well and take good care of those cankles ;-)