DD: AAAAAHHHH. NOOOOOOO. Mommy, DON'T FLUSH THE POTTY!!
Me: Um, why not, DD? We need to flush the potty after you go.
DD: I don't want to say.
Me: It's OK sweetie, why don't you want me to flush the potty?
DD: You know.
Me: Um, the -
DD: DON'T SAY IT MOMMY!!!!
Me: (whispers) you mean . . . the wolves?
DD: AAAAAHHHH. You said it mommy! You said it mommy!
[DD has been afraid of wolves since she saw one on a Little House on the Prairie rerun and the Martha Speaks cartoon.]
Me: OK, DD. What does the thing-that-I-can't-mention have to do with the potty?
DD: (Points to the top tank and whispers) Up there, mommy.
[We have one of those pull chain toilets]
Me: I don't really think anything is up there. How about if we look up there? I'll hold you tight, and nothing will hurt you. I promise, and you know I always tell you the truth.
DD: (looks unconvinced but agrees)
[Ugh. Lifting 43 pound child.]
Me: See? Nothing there, right?
DD: No, mommy.
Me: So, no -
DD: SHHHHHH, mommy. DON'T SAY IT!
Me: OK, I won't say it.
DD: But they're there mommy. They just aren't up there now.
Me: Well, where did they go?
DD: They went down the pipes.
Me: (pointing to pipes that are about 2" in diameter) Those pipes?
Me: DD, how does a you-know-what fit down the pipe?
DD: (gives me a well, du-uh look) They shrink mommy.
Me: Oh. Well how do they breathe?
DD: (another duh look) They have scuba equipment, of course.
Me: Oh. How does a -
DD: DON'T SAY IT MOMMY!
Me: OK, OK. Well how does one of those get scuba equipment?
DD: Moom-meeee . . . they buy it of course.
Me: Oh. Really? Where?
DD: At the store, where you would buy it. Geez, mommy.
Me: But DD, if they've gone down the pipes, then they've gone to the sewer where everything else goes, so no worries!
DD: No, mommy. They come up into the water part under the lid.
Me: Well how can they come up when the water is flushing down? Wouldn't the water push them away?
DD: They are very good swimmers mommy, just like me.
Me: OK. So the reason that we can't flush the potty is because there may be a you-know-what that shrinks down to microscopic size while wearing scuba gear that might come up into the bowl?
DD: Exactly. That's what I've been trying to tell you!
Me: [Sigh. There's just no arguing with that.]